Dealing With A Mistress: Should I Be Friends With My Husband’s Lover?

You have just found out that your husband has been having an affair. You are on an emotional roller coaster going from anger to humiliation after going through the tunnel of pain. Question after question runs through your mind. How is this woman? She loves? Was it just about sex?

There is also the unenviable situation of the choices that he now has to make. Do you stick around and try to rebuild your marriage or do you gracefully walk away while preserving your dignity?

Every situation is different, so my advice is to take the ideas that are relevant to you and your situation and those that you really believe you can follow. Now is not the time to act on impulse. Take the time to consider your options and what you want.

Unless the affair is all about sex, it may be wise to consider making friends with your husband’s mistress. It is unconventional, nor will it be easy, but it can save your marriage.

Evidently, there was something about this woman that drew her husband to her in the first place. She may be similar to you just a little quirkier or the polar opposite of you. Either way, wouldn’t you want to know? I know I would.

You are no doubt wondering how befriending your lover will potentially save your marriage. For starters, if your husband is in love with this woman, forcing him to cut off all contact with her will probably work in the short term, but he may eventually come to resent the fact that you forced him to give her up. This is especially true if what was originally missing in your marriage has not yet been fixed.

How are you going to make it work with your husband’s mistress in your life? And more important in your life? Well, on the one hand, it will give your husband a chance to see if it was the thrill of the chase and the thrill of the secret that he was looking for or, and I know this part is difficult, if he really has a crush on her. The former generally means that any relationship, friendship, or anything else will fade very quickly. The latter, on the other hand, and your choice becomes much more difficult and potentially more selfless.

Think about these questions for a minute.

• Do you adore your husband?
• Are you in love with your husband?
• Are you proud of him?
• Are you proud to be seen with him?
• Why do you want to stay with him?
• Can you be happy in your relationship again?
• What would you want if the situation were reversed?

If your answer to any of the above questions was no, then befriending this woman would be honorable and sincere. It gives everyone in the situation a chance to reevaluate and reflect on what they really want and also need. You also have the opportunity to see what has attracted your husband and if you want to try to grow with him or if you are happy as you are.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck and hope that the decision you make is the right one for you and your family.