Home Remodeling or Construction: Top 3 Reasons Couples Fight During Their Construction Project

The two main issues that most couples argue about are money and sex. Money, not sex, is the “hot” topic of discussion when building or remodeling a home. It takes money to start a project and it is the cause of many fights in a relationship. The following are 3 reasons why money causes conflicts in home construction or remodeling.

1. Couples don’t know what their needs and values ​​are. Some people do not know what drives or motivates them to build or remodel their home.

For example, Samantha wanted to update the main bathroom in her house. She was excited for a fresh new look as it had been 10 years since she last did any decorations. Her husband Tim liked the bathroom the way it was and didn’t want to spend money to fix it. In fact, he didn’t really like change and really didn’t want to spend money on “that kind of thing.”

Samantha and Tim would end up arguing repeatedly about the bathroom when Samantha brought it up. They both began to resent that they could not come to an agreement.

Tim acknowledged that he didn’t want to keep arguing about the bathroom, so he asked Samantha why it was so important to update the bathroom. After much discussion, Samantha acknowledged that since her last son left for college, she was ready to make some changes around the house. The update was a way to honor their accomplishments as parents and symbolized a new chapter in their marriage. Samantha shared her hopes and excitement regarding the new phase of their relationship. She made clear her values ​​and what is important to her.

Once Tim and Samantha talked about this, they agreed with the project because the “why” behind the project was motivating for both of them. Instead of fighting over money, they were able to connect their bathroom update expenses with the new chapter in their relationship.

2. Couples do not have a financial plan for their project. This is the biggest problem for couples when building or remodeling. In reality, not having a solid financial plan in all areas of a couple will cause conflict in the relationship. In a construction project, this problem comes to the fore fairly quickly.

Before they knew it, John and Kelly had run out of money. They blamed each other for overspending and had to stop building the cabin they had been dreaming of for years. This was very disappointing for them to say the least.

After seeking financial advice from their banker and advice from their therapist, they realized that not having a realistic financial plan or budget for the cabin was the disappearance of their dream. This issue was a much bigger problem for John and Kelly than just the cabin; her finances had always been a challenge in their relationship.

Once they began to work on their harmful and unproductive monetary beliefs regarding a “budget,” they were able to develop a financial plan to achieve their dream of building a cabin. The financial plan was a tool to help them achieve their goals, not hinder them as they once believed.

3. Couples get overwhelmed. Building or remodeling a home is exciting and can be very overwhelming. For most people, they work their jobs, take care of their families, and have other obligations besides the construction project. This can be a recipe for disaster.

Mike and Neda were building their house on their own. Mike had just retired from the military and had a job where he could work from home. They had 2 school-age children and Neda educated them at home. They had more flexibility than most people, but soon the construction project consumed their life. Every waking moment was filled with thinking, planning, or building the house. Inevitably, this led to unproductive decisions that cost them more money in the long run.

His family began to experience the consequences of being obsessed with the company. Mike and Neda were physically exhausted, the children felt abandoned, and their entire lives revolved around building the house. Soon Mike and Neda were crushed under the weight of responsibility for their new home. They had crashed into a wall!

They took time off, regrouped and identified what was important and priority in their life. Family time and health were her top priorities. To cope with burnout, they decided to set building goals that would allow them to take time for family and rest their bodies. They rejected how quickly they wanted to complete their home. They took Sunday off so they could go to church as a family and spend the rest of the day together. They did nothing construction or related to the house on Sundays.

Home construction can create a sense of urgency with decisions to be made, deadlines to meet, and other life responsibilities. In short, avoid unnecessary conflicts around money by doing the following three things before starting your project.

  1. Talk about why your project is important to you and how it connects to your values. Let your values ​​drive your building goals.
  2. Develop a realistic financial plan based on your values ​​for your project. Follow the plan!
  3. Keep life in perspective. Go slow, be proactive, and take breaks when needed.

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