Saturn in synastry: hellish relationships

Sun-Saturn in Synastry

My first ex-boyfriend and I had strong Saturn aspects in our synastry chart. It made a lot of sense, given that Saturn was transiting my 7th house at the time. More specifically, my Saturn was conjunct his Sun in Scorpio. My most recent ex had his Sun in Aquarius square Saturn in Scorpio. By the way, I had Saturn transiting his seventh house when we were together.

Apparently, Sun-Saturn aspects in synastry are very common aspects found in the synastry charts of married couples and long-term couples. In fact, my relations with those two lasted quite a few years, but not without difficulty.

As a Saturn person, I felt insecure and committed to each of them. Each of them brought out a lot of my insecurities. Just being themselves and expressing their individuality brought out my fears of rejection and being hurt. In response, I criticized and judged them harshly. He wanted to dominate them, control them and trample on their fun. I didn’t want them to “grow up” because I was too afraid they would distance themselves from me.

Another reason I was so critical of these two guys was because I really thought their ideas, feelings, and beliefs were incredibly stupid. Sounds harsh, I know, but some of his opinions and beliefs just pissed me off. Instead of calmly expressing my own opinions, I insulted theirs. This, in turn, put them off a lot, but I felt like I was doing them a favor. Looking back, I know I was too hard on them, but I felt (and STILL feel) that they were childish and needed a good reality check.

The Sun-Saturn energy in synastry is much like the energy between a parent and a child. In those two relationships, I felt like I was scolding my kids who misbehaved.

I was already interested in astrology when I met the Aquarius guy, so I knew that this energy would manifest in our relationship in some way. I did my best to keep my Saturn energy in check, but when the time came, I just couldn’t help but criticize him. Trust me, I tried.

Moon-Saturn aspects in Synastry

I recently got out of a relationship that had a Moon-Saturn double whammy opposition. By “double whammy,” I mean his Moon opposed my Saturn and his Saturn opposed my Moon. How does this aspect develop between two people, you may ask? Let me tell you.

The way it manifested itself in my relationship was through a lot of emotional distancing. He and I would do anything to avoid talking about our feelings. Even when issues arose that made either of us feel angry, upset, jealous, or frustrated, we didn’t want to and CAN’T express our feelings to each other. I felt that if he told him how I felt, he would reject me and he felt the same way. Even though I knew he had true feelings for me, doubt and fear of rejection would take over, and he would end up keeping my feelings to myself. The same thing happened with affection; affection did not flow easily between us due to deep-seated fears of rejection, which was ultimately frustrating for both parties. Also, neither of us felt like we could express our playful and romantic sides with each other; I felt that he would not approve of any kind of childishness on my part, so I kept my mouth shut.

On the plus side, this particular relationship was the longest. I think one of the things that made us last so long was the desire to know what the other person was feeling. The emotional distance frustrated and intrigued me. I wanted to know what was in his heart, and he was dying to know how I felt. We both hung in there, hoping that one day, one of us would say how we really felt about each other. After a while, we learned to express our feelings to each other, but only in small segments. We were both careful never to find out “too much” about how we felt.

Venus-Saturn in Synastry

My longest relationship featured a narrow aspect of Venus square Saturn in synastry, where I was the person of Venus.

This is often referred to as the “unrequited love” aspect. Why? Saturn represents blocks and restrictions, which can manifest in many ways. Sometimes blockages come from outside forces. Saturn rules tradition, so couples with this synastry aspect sometimes face opposition from either person’s family. In my case, I was from a different cultural background than my partner. Her parents were very traditional and strict, and would never have approved of our union. Other external constraints may include a mismatch in terms of age, social status, cultural background, or distance. Either way, there is usually something keeping them from being together.

Another way this manifested was through a withdrawal of affection. I never felt very comfortable hugging him, telling him I loved him, or making him talk like a baby because of my fear that he would reject that kind of behavior. I censored my feelings of affection for him, and he did the same. He acted a bit “fatherly” to me, and I didn’t want to risk his disapproval. Although he never explicitly told me that he didn’t want me to go out and have fun with my friends, he would often try to interfere with my plans if he knew he was going out.

Mars-Saturn in Synastry

This is a very negative aspect to share with someone in synastry.

With this aspect, it seems that no matter what the person from Mars does, the person from Saturn gets upset. Nothing is ever “good enough” for Saturn. The person from Saturn often sees the person from Mars as childish and irresponsible. The energy of the Mars person is the kind that makes the Saturn person very uncomfortable. More specifically, the Mars person’s self-confidence and assertiveness bring out Saturn’s insecurities, and in response, the Saturn person tries to restrict and limit the Mars person’s actions by telling Mars what to do. Saturn may resort to constantly bringing the Mars person down through criticism and psychological abuse.

It is common for Mars to feel that Saturn is condescending and treats him like a child. Mars may get angry at this and lash out at the person from Saturn. The cycle of criticism and conflict can soon become a vicious circle. This aspect lends itself to verbally abusive relationships and can even escalate into physical aggression.

Since Mars is the planet of sex and physical energy, this aspect can also manifest in sexual problems for the couple. Saturn may find sex disappointing, and Mars may feel this and lose their sexual confidence. This is an aspect often found in synastry charts of sexless marriages.

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