Sexual abuse: covert (subtle) ways

“Traditionally, incest was defined as” sexual relations between two people too closely related to legally marry: sex between brothers, first cousins, seduction by the parents of their daughters. “This dysfunctional blood relationship, however, does not fully describe what children are. To fully understand all sexual abuse, we must look beyond the blood bond and include the emotional bond between the victim and her abuser. Therefore, a new definition has emerged. The new definition now it is based less on the blood bond between the victim and the perpetrator and more on the child’s experience. ” E. Sue Blume, Secret Survivors.

“Incest is both sexual abuse and abuse of power. It is violence that does not require force. Another is to use the victim, treating her in a way that she does not want or in a way that is not appropriate by a person with whom it is required. a different relationship. It is abuse because it does not take into consideration the needs or wants of the child; rather, it meets the needs of the other person at the expense of the child. Instead of a parenting purpose for the benefit of the child, it is abuse. If not is wanted or inappropriate for their age or relationship, it is abuse. Incest [sexual abuse] it can occur through words, sounds, or even the child’s exposure to images or sexual acts that do not involve the child. If you are forced to see what you do not want to see, for example, by an exhibitionist, it is abuse. If a child is forced to experience sexual content or innuendo, that is abuse. As long as the child is induced to engage in sexual activity with someone in a position of greater power, whether that power is derived from the age, size, status, or relationship of the perpetrator, the act is abusive. A child who cannot refuse, or who believes that he cannot refuse, is a child who has been raped “(E. Sue Blume, Secret Survivors).

Following the definition of child sexual abuse (see above), sexual abuse can be as subtle and insidious as:

o allow the child to view pornographic images or movies o include the child with him / her as if the adult and the child were companions

A father rubbing cold water on his daughter’s chest, ostensibly to grow her breasts.

A father who insists that his daughter do certain exercises to make her breast grow or grow.

or make jokes about a girl’s flat chest, that is, two fried eggs, etc.

or give a girl a shirt with two fried eggs in the strategic area of ​​her breasts

or pulling the buttocks of a child’s bathing suit down (the perpetrator usually laughs) causing humiliation

A game of pool etiquette: the person who is ‘tagged’ pulls down his bathing suit, invariably a child is the only one who is tagged and laughs at him.

A man hugging a boy while pressing his hard penis against her.

A man giving a child a ‘wet’ kiss on the lips

a family member puts his tongue on a child’s lips or in his mouth – apparently the ‘family / friend’ kiss – the child does not like this type of kiss, but has no recourse as the child believes that this is a family practice

or anyone who has the sexual intent to invade a child’s privacy, such as entering the bathroom or bedroom without knocking, catching him off guard and unwell

or anyone who pulls down their swimsuit bottoms or pulls down their panties without permission or implied permission

or bathing a child when the child is old enough to bathe himself

or anyone who touches or fondles the child in a sexual way

A man holding a boy on his lap while he has an erection.

a person who stares at or makes provocative sexual comments about the child’s body

or anyone who kisses the child in a way that is sexual to the giver

or touching, fighting, tickling, or seemingly harmless play that has sexual overtones or meaning to the other person

or touching a boy’s penis with a sexual tone or meaning, while changing his diaper or bathing / drying him

or hitting or hitting a boy’s penis if he has an erection – usually done to boys 2 to 5 years old

or playing ‘red light / green light’ – If I touched it here (the person touches an erogenous area), it would say “Red light or green light? No matter the answer, the person has transgressed a boundary and the child has experienced appropriate touch and therefore has been abused

or any adult asking / instructing a child to touch their genital or erogenous area

or touching a sensation in the child’s genital or erogenous area

A man touching / patting a child’s leg with sexual intent or meaning while driving.

A man with sexual intent or meaning while apparently unintentionally touching the chest or breast of a child.

Women know how disconcerting and disgusting it feels when a person stares, types, picks up a feeling, or makes inappropriate or unwanted sexual comments. Can you imagine how a child feels? While the child does not know the intention or ramifications, the child feels the sexual energy of the person and does not know what is happening, therefore a sense of anger, gazing at each other, or sexual comments are more profound for a child than for an adult.

While you may think these examples are powerful, let me assure you that each one has been told to me by someone who suffers from the aftermath of child sexual abuse. These side effects were consistent with others who had the same experience and the same side effects. Furthermore, these covert (subtle) forms were rarely the extent of sexual abuse. These covert forms of sexual abuse often prepare the child for penetration.

Covert sexual abuse is more insidious than blatant sexual abuse. Therefore, identifying it is more difficult because the sexual nature of the action is disguised. The sexual offender acts as if they are doing something non-sexual, when in reality they are being sexual. Then the betrayal becomes double. The child is not only abused, but also tricked or misled about the act. In this dishonesty, the child is unable to identify or clarify his perception of the experience. The unreal or surreal sense that accompanies any sexual abuse is intensified when the child is tricked into not believing. Thus, the child doubts his perceptions and feelings and believes that something is wrong with him because he feels terrible.

To make matters worse, those around the child act as if nothing is wrong or there is collusion. For example: Uncle Lewie pulls down his 3-year-old niece’s bathing suit from behind and everyone laughs. Or a game of tag is played and the person who is ‘tagged’ pulls down his bathing suit, invariably the child is the only one who is tagged and laughs at him. The child feels humiliated or ashamed because everyone laughs at his expense. Thus, the child feels inadequate or crazy because he feels bad, as if he were the one who had the problem.