This feels like a stone in the dryer

I live my life conflict-free. That is, when I feel in conflict with myself or with others, I overcome it to feel connected again. I have experienced the joy and bliss of having ‘nothing between us’, and this addictive state of being so connected and at peace encourages me to stay clear, or come clean, over and over again in conflicting circumstances. Whether it’s friends, romantic partners, or business relationships… ‘nothing between us’ means we’re not connected with resentment, anger, or frustration.

Last week was a challenge for me. There was conflict in a couple of personal relationships, all over the same issue. My happiness left the building! What was left bothered me so much that I described it to a good friend as ‘a stone in the dryer’. You’ve heard that sound, right? When something very loud sounds in your dryer with the rest of the clothes? Now imagine that there are no other clothes in the dryer, just the rocks. That was my internal noise last week. Rattle, rattle, bing, bang, rattle, bonk… (repeat for hours and hours and hours).

I took control of the madness that was going on inside of me and stopped it.
Ahhhh… joy and bliss were mine again.

I’m going to share with you how I did it, because chances are you’ll feel a ‘stone in the dryer’ one day and you can use this strategy to clear up and reconnect.

First, I used ‘the Pivot Process’ by Esther Hicks, in Ask and It Is Given. The Pivot Process suggests that when she catches herself having a negative thought, she interrupts her thought by saying this. “Now I know what I don’t want, so I’m clear on what I do want.” DO want. What I DO want is… (Finish writing what you do want instead.) “Him Repeat the pivot process as needed when your negative thought returns.

Second, I used my 5-Step Model for Planning a Difficult Conversation, from Yours Truly (me, and taught it in my Sandbox training programs).

Step 1 – Problem: Decide if the problem is worth treating or not. It should be worth squeezing the juice out of, so decide if it’s worth the conversation or just let it slide.

Note that there were two parts (two rocks in my dryer) and in this first step I realized that only one of them was worth maintaining a relationship with, so after going through step 1, I decided to let one go. stone. The decision was made to intentionally remove the rock from my dryer, with love, forgiveness, and without any desire to continue a relationship. Letting go really means letting go… not just avoiding conversation and holding a grudge. Letting go could also mean simply deciding to leave the conflict unaddressed, but continuing the relationship as well. You decide what letting go looks like, but letting go also means letting go of resentment. However, the second part is a relationship worth maintaining, working on, rebuilding trust and reconnecting. For that party, I proceeded through all the steps of the model.

step
two – Intention

Step 3 -Why

Step 4 – Damage control

step 5 – Write your opening

This 5-step model and the guide for each step will be published in my new book Sandbox Strategies for the New Workplace.

Well, here’s to calm clothes with no stones in the dryer, which means peaceful, connected relationships where your world goes round and round and you feel a state of joy and bliss. Speaking of happiness… we wish you a happy holiday season. So much so that you have a lot to share with others. Sending lots of love to everyone who reads my blog called Leadership Tips.