My ex boyfriend is hot and cold to me! The best way to deal with it

When you’re a woman, like you and me, men can sometimes become something of a riddle. You know exactly what I’m talking about, right? Take the case of an ex-boyfriend. We’ve all had at least one ex that we couldn’t get over. We would think about him non-stop, we would do nonsense like calling him and demanding to know why he does not accept us and we have cried hours for him. It’s part of the romantic journey to experience those things, but what happens when your ex-boyfriend starts sending a multitude of conflicting signals in your direction? If your ex boyfriend is hot and cold, you should moderate it before you start putting your emotional health at risk. A man like this has all the control over the breakup and the subsequent reunion. You don’t want to put your heart and your happiness in their hands. You have to learn to deal with him in such a way that his hesitation between loving you and not loving you no longer affects you.

Before we can delve into what you should be doing to moderate her changing attraction to you, let’s focus a bit on why she’s acting this way. Not all men do this after a breakup, but a surprising number do. We, as women in love with said ex-boyfriend, want to believe that her confusion is caused by his overwhelming love. In our naive minds we believe that he acts hot and cold because he is trying to control a heart that is out of control with love and devotion. It’s so romantic isn’t it? Although it is a fairy tale that belongs in a book. This is not your reality. He is not bringing you closer and then away because he cares deeply about you. You are playing a sadistic game with your heart and you may not even realize that you are doing it.

Just as we have trouble letting go after a breakup, men are the same. The difference is that we don’t want to let go of the illusion that the love we shared with our ex was larger than life and could survive anything. For him, it is much more about not wanting to be alone and if there is no one more suitable on his emotional horizon, he will come circling towards you looking for you to satisfy his needs until he tires of it again.

That’s a harsh reality that you sadly have to come to terms with before you can deal with it productively. If you want to continue to believe that he is hot and cold because he is lost in his conflicting feelings for you, you will continue to feel hurt when he keeps disappearing after telling you that he adores you and that he cannot live without you. If he really cared about you to the extent that he professes, he would never act cold. He would be loving, caring, and work hard to ensure that the future they share is far better than the best.

Since he is not doing that, you will have to put up an emotional barrier that will protect him against his bad mood. When he suddenly calls or texts you saying he misses you, don’t reply right away. Wait an hour or two and then just ask him how he’s responding. Don’t immediately play with his words by telling him that you miss him every second of the day.

The same is true if he wants to hang out with you. Let him know that you have already made other plans but that he can see him in three or four days when he has an opening. If he loved you as much as you want to believe he loves you, he will be happy to wait. If you don’t get a reply for weeks, you’ve found someone else to occupy your time.

Your emotional well-being has to be your main concern. When a man knowingly or unknowingly plays hot and cold with you, it can open your heart to further anguish when he decides to cool down and disappear. Take control of your future and don’t make it too easy for them to manipulate it. If he genuinely cares about you, he will stop playing games and go back to rebuilding the relationship that you two lost.