The first thing to do to get your ex back: be happy on your own

I know you can’t see it right now. Everything is so bleak and you can’t watch today go by and if you do, everything is terrifying, a life void of meaning and happiness. Drop it now! Believe me, your mind cannot do the work for you right now. It’s so unstable and vulnerable, so even when you can’t control it right now, you can at least be sure that this isn’t the end. And that things will get better.

I’ve been in your shoes: many sleepless nights, desperate dreams, days spent crying and curling up in bed wondering how you are going to survive with a heart so devastatingly crushed, so excruciatingly in pain. The fear. The salinity of extreme sadness like nothing else you have ever imagined or experienced in your life before. Loneliness.

I have it. I’ve been to hell and been back several dozen times in the last 11 months. I know how you feel; exactly, every minute; the struggle, the maddening and conflicting currents of emotions, the depression. I’ve been through all of that. There is nothing that shakes your balance like a lost love.

If you just broke up with your lover, don’t waste as much time as I suffered terribly. You could master the skills to cope with this agony and at the same time pave the way for him / her to return to you SOONER! Don’t make the same mistakes I made that delayed the reconciliation process.

The good news is that getting your ex back is perhaps easier than you thought. The bad news is that it takes a lot of work, it is not about focusing on the other person: to change him, to be aware of what he is doing, who he sees and what you can do to prevent him from doing it, to manipulate him. , make you think or want / miss us (although there are techniques to do it but in the long run it is not about any of this), but mainly about working on yourself.

I heard that a lot: work on yourself, focus on yourself. I didn’t really understand the gist of what it meant, on the most substantive and intuitive level that it is, until recently, after months of utter anguish.

I found the answer: there is only one way to get your ex back, that is, make yourself happy, content and excited about life. To build your life apart from your ex and find it as a source of endless enjoyment. To live life to the fullest. Love yourself first and foremost. Believe that you, for your sake, deserve to be loved and treated with the utmost respect, no more, no less. You need to change your life to get the love you deserve, whether it’s with your ex or someone else, presumably better.

If you are not happy being with yourself, just … there is little chance that you will enter the path of reconciliation with ease. And you need a lot of reassurance to stay on track and sane during this trial and tribulation phase. If your mind is hooked and obsessed with wanting to be with your ex, you will be suffering and radiating so much need that it will in turn result in aggravating and unbalanced behavior that will repel him.

At one point, I even hired a coach to help me deal with myself. Yes, you yourself are your number one enemy in the reconciliation process. You are plagued with self esteem issues, you are not sure if you are lovable enough that your ex wants to get back with you. In desperation, he is doing the same things that drive him further away. Only when you can conquer yourself can you conquer the world (with him in it). That is the timeless message of all the sages of all time.

The experience of a broken heart changes life: it is one in which you are forced to grow up fast. Even if you don’t get your lover back, you will come out of this a better and wiser person and be a better partner in your future relationship. You can’t skip this painful period, but you can shorten it and get back on your feet sooner by learning from other people’s experience.

Read this again: this is not the end of the world. No, it doesn’t matter how bad you screwed it up, how badly you hurt it, how bad it was. Every relationship has its mountains and its valleys. You’re at the bottom now, things can only get better. Believe it (I know it’s hard to get it right this second, but you can at least fake it).

Understand this, you need to cry and cry … but instead of wasting your time and energy grieving more than necessary, you can start putting yourself on the road to reconciliation. You can start acting together and acting together NOW. Stop obsessive phone calls, texting, pleading, pleading, negotiating, crying, threatening, apologizing, persuasion … everything that comes instinctively after a painful breakup but only drives you away. lover.

Yes, it can start now without their consent, without even their help, and without even contacting them, begging them, pleading with them, crying with the heart. You can start now by simply believing that this is all temporary until you meet again and in the meantime, it’s time for you to get excited about life, being independent, and doing all the things you always planned to do but never had a chance to do. do. them.

If you put aside those worries about the future and just live your life NOW, you’re halfway on the road to being with them again. It sounds counterintuitive, but it isn’t. In fact, worry and doubt will delay reconciliation. You need to be able to worry less. Everything I say is very difficult at first, but at least you can fake it.

Pretend for now, do whatever it takes to make you believe that your reunion with your lover is a GIVE. It’s just a matter of time. Once you master yourself and take control of your wild emotions, everything else will fall into place and what I say will start to make sense to you.

I’ve been where you are, trust me. It took me months longer than it should get to where I am now. So if you follow my advice, you can shorten that period of suffering. You cannot trust your own negative thoughts right now. I am writing a book of my experience in which I specify techniques and things that I did to control my crazy emotions. Whatever you have in your mind will become your reality, such is the power of your mind.

The more you fear, the less secure the future you want will be. Remember, you must first feel happy to get your lover back. So don’t waste your time, do it NOW. Do whatever it takes to make yourself happy (anything legal / healthy, of course), no matter how slow and unmotivated you are right now. You can go back to crying and snuggling in bed every now and then whenever you feel like it, but there are so many things you can do to start cultivating happiness on your own.