Coaching with Emotional Intelligence

Joan had a good job in human resources that she felt she practically mastered. As such, she was beginning to feel a similarity that was eating away at her. The demands were also considerable at home, so a promotion with more hours was not attractive at the moment. Maybe her situation wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for the sense of equality with her days that felt so, so empty. This emptiness is what brought her to coaching.

After doing some stock work, she and her coach discovered that the problem wasn’t where she was working. She liked the company and what she stood for. It was more about her role. She would love to start something new and she had her eye on a new employee development program. So, her coach challenged her to stand up for what she wanted, to go and ask her boss for the job she wanted. She said that she would consider it and talk to her trainer again before the next session.

And she didn’t come back.

However, he showed up to the next call with a very different presentation. “I couldn’t do it,” she confessed. “It’s not that I didn’t want to. I COULDN’T.” She seemed deflated and defeated.

After creating the space that I needed to clear, it became apparent that the emotions around this ran very deep.

“Every time I think about walking up to my supervisor’s office to tell her that I want to apply for this position, I literally start shaking and feel like I’m paralyzed. It scares me so much that I choose, consciously, not to do it. The reaction here is so Strong, so physical, I can’t stand it.

Her coach helped her see that these physical reactions were actually messages from a powerful part of her, messages from her emotional mind.

“When we have strong emotional reactions to something or someone, our emotional mind is the first to react,” explained her coach. She then continued, “In fact, it does it much faster than our rational or thinking minds. What kind of thoughts were you having?”

Joan responded, “I was scared. I don’t know why. I literally couldn’t think of any good reason not to go in there. I guess it’s just easier to be comfortable.”

His coach asked him, “Have you always played it safe? When have you ever taken a risk before?”

Joan responded immediately, “The first time I started rock climbing, I remember feeling a little like that, but I had already made a commitment to my boyfriend, who is now my husband, that I would do it. He supported me; I did it.” , and now, it’s one of our favorite hobbies to do together!”

Her trainer recognized her. “That’s great. Rock climbing is something I always wanted to do and didn’t dare to do. You really are brave. So you want to tell me that you can climb a mountain, but not the distance to your boss’s office.” to request what you want?”

Joan admitted: “It’s silly, isn’t it? But what can I do with what I feel when I’m going to do it?” His trainer responded, “This feeling is often called an emotional hijack. And there are some techniques you can practice that will help you recover from the physical effects of it. You see, our emotional mind, or amygdala, responds first. It causes a chemical release in the rest of our body that has a tremendous impact. These chemicals stay in our bloodstream for up to three to four hours. As a result, we can have things like our heart race or feel shaky. And our rational mind, or the The neocortex literally floods as part of this process, which is why it can seem like we can’t think during an abduction!

“Wow,” Joan replied. “That makes sense. I don’t feel so weird after all. But what can I do about it?”
“Someone in the past has probably told you to take a deep breath when you’re upset,” his coach said. “That actually makes sense from a physiological perspective. Changing our breathing pattern sends a different message to the brain and is the beginning of reversing the hijacking process.”

Joan admitted: “Yes, I remember doing it some of the first times in my climbing when I reached new heights.”

“What a great metaphor,” his coach observed. “You’re certainly going to reach new heights in what you’re doing by running for this position. Another thing that helps reverse the effects of a kidnapping is connecting with an emotion that counteracts fear. One that has proven particularly effective is gratitude.” What is something you can think of that could do this for you?

“Well, I think what we’ve talked about today would be fantastic. Every time I go up and see those beautiful scenic views with my husband, I’m so thankful for overcoming my initial fears about climbing. I will when I start to feel the fear of going in and apply for that position. Joan felt confident and down to earth.

“Great job, Joan,” acknowledged her coach. “It’s really helpful to practice this before you do it. Imagine getting ready to walk into that office, take a deep breath and connect with a beautiful view from a ladder. Sound ready to scale new heights at work! And don’t forget, you can wear this anywhere area of ​​your life when you feel like a strong emotion might be holding you back.

“Thank you coach. I’m going to practice this and then I’ll do it. Next time we talk, I intend to have that position!”

The coach was delighted when Joan emailed her the following week with the great news that she had indeed taken the lead on the project and was looking forward to setting more goals with him on her next call.