Do you want me to do what?

You have probably heard or even said those words at some point in your career. It is usually a sign that a battle will begin soon. But what if you could find a way to diffuse or even prevent these types of situations before they happen? You can, if you know how to influence.

Some estimates suggest that in our lifetime we will influence 10,000 people! This number may seem like an exaggeration, but if you think about your daily conversations, you’ll see how quickly influential situations add up. For example, it can be as simple as choosing which movie to watch at the theater, or it could be more complex, such as getting an employee to do something he or she seemed unwilling to do in the past.

If you’re good at influencing, you can get what you want or need while increasing confidence and decreasing defensiveness. You can also confront someone, about their job performance, behavior, or another important issue, without conflict. Here are some ideas to get you started:

the trust bank

Have you ever been asked to do something by someone you didn’t trust? What was your reaction? Did you do what they asked you? Most likely you rejected his request. After all, why would you do anything for someone whose motives you were questioning?

Whenever you think of trust, think of a bank account. Every time you do something to build trust, you make a deposit. The more deposits you make, the more trust you build. From time to time you may have a slight breach of trust, perhaps due to a misunderstanding. We’ll call this a retreat.

Every time we interact with someone, we are making a deposit or a withdrawal. The more deposits we have made, the easier it will be for us to get what we want or need. Creating your account takes time. However, these accounts will always pay dividends if you keep betting on this model.

Take possession

What is your reaction when you hear the words “The company wants you to do this?” If you’re like most people, your first reaction is, “Who the hell is the Corporation and why is it telling me what to do?” As a leader, you may have received the initiative from the company, but in reality it is you, the boss, who wants something done. You are the one with the relationship with the employee. If you have made enough deposits into your escrow account then you should be well positioned to apply.

Many people resist using the “I” message because they believe that requests will carry more weight if they come from someone else. This approach fosters a culture of compliance, rather than one of compromise. Instead, own the request. Start your statement with “I”. For example, “I’d like to…” After all, it’s really you who makes the request.

Why?

How many times have you been asked to do something and you wonder why? Imagine how much time would have been saved if the person making the request had included a short statement as to why they were making this request. Consider these two statements: “John, I would like you to provide me with the full accounts receivable report by noon on Wednesday.” If you’re John, you’re probably wondering why the rush. You may also be thinking about the other five requests on your desk.

Now imagine how John might react if the request were made in the following way. “John, I would like you to provide me with the full accounts receivable report by noon Wednesday. The executive committee will meet Thursday morning to discuss how we can reduce the amount of time it takes to collect our accounts receivable. This date The limit will be to give us enough time to make the necessary adjustments to the report. John now has all the information he needs to submit the application. If he needs input on his current workload prioritization, then he’ll be in a position to ask.

Specificity Rules

Often we don’t get what we ask for because we haven’t been specific enough in our requests. For example, managers expect their employees to reach certain milestones, even though most don’t specifically tell their employees exactly what that means. Nor do they provide them with specific examples of the desired results they would like to see.

Here are some rules of specificity to ensure everyone is on the same page.

1. Before you apply, think about exactly what you want and be sure to be specific in your application. 2. Don’t assume the other person knows exactly what you want. Be prepared to offer examples, if necessary. 3. Create a clear picture of the desired behavior you are looking for, rather than the undesirable one.

putting it all together

Once you’ve established trust, you can frame your request in a way that influences others to do what you’ve asked. Here is an example of an effective behavior request that we would use if we were trying to influence John:

“I need you to have the accounts receivable report on my desk by noon this Wednesday. By that I mean the regular monthly report that runs since April 30, 2009, along with the files for those accounts with more than 90 days late.” and his recommendations for those who must move to collections. As a result, you will be seen as the expert in increasing cash flow for the company and I will be able to focus on getting the additional resources we need to support your initiative to bring in-house collections.”

You can see how trust, along with the proper use of language, provides answers to subconscious questions that often prevent us from getting what we need:

o Who really wants this?
or Why do you want this?
o What do you mean exactly?
or What’s in it for me?

The ability to influence is one of the most powerful skills you can master. The language you use can inspire people to action, which is exactly what you need to build a team and/or organization that is willing to go the distance for you.

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