Husband wants open marriage after wife confesses to sleeping with man from bar

So your offer to keep the marriage is an open marriage?

Interesting to say the least.

Well, where to start here?

First things first, if you choose to play with fire, don’t be surprised if you get burned. You want to cheat on your spouse and there may not be a happy ending like in the movies.

Hopefully, when two people agree to get married, it’s for the long haul. Relationships are not easy as we can all agree that there are ups and downs.

I found this thread on a Love Shack infidelity forum.

The story is about a wayward wife who sleeps with a strange man in a bar after going out with his girlfriend. This night of “enchantment” came after a handful of fights with her husband. A long period of time passes before she finally confesses and he blows up (I didn’t see that coming). He thinks about it for a bit, sits her down, and then explains that he’s so upset by her actions that he doesn’t want to make love to her anymore. So he offers her the ultimatum to keep the marriage if she agrees to an open marriage where he has sex with an escort every month. (Now I am the one who is disgusted.) And if she doesn’t agree, he wants a divorce.

Wow!

They both made hasty decisions. She cheated. She also acted on emotion and came up with a damaging proposal. Yes, affairs are horrible, but never make a snap decision regarding a long-term relationship. Your bad decisions were quick, but healing is not quick. There is no quick fix here. The feelings will linger for a while no matter what.

My wife cheated on me not long ago. Before she cheated on us, neither of us was very happy. There was no spark like before. Since I caught her, things have definitely picked up. We are both reacting to each other in more positive ways and doing what marriage is all about: exchange.

AIM

I still feel hurt.

While your emotions are raw and the fire is burning, DO NOT add gasoline to the fire. It does NOT need to burn brighter.

So what would have been a better way to handle this situation (in my opinion)?

What the betrayed husband should have done

You just made things worse by offering such a ridiculous solution. What does that offer mean?

• Does that mean you’ve been thinking about having sex with other women for a while and now you’ve found the perfect excuse?
• What is more important sex or marriage? What do you expect to happen man?
• Do you think your wife is going to say, “Yeah, okay honey, sure. Anything to stay with you. I was wrong to betray you and now you have the right to have sex with whoever you want. I’ll wait here at home and we have dinner waiting for you too .”?

Ridiculous! I want to throw up.

Two wrongs don’t make a right. Life is not logical or rational.

What the wayward spouse should do if they really WANT to stay married (again in my opinion)

• Address your feelings more effectively IMMEDIATELY. she must be Convincing about his grief and empathy for his pain. This will only be done in it. behavior, words and body language.
• Identify that two wrongs do not make a right in your own head.
• Do not retaliate by accusing him of wanting to be unfaithful.
• Don’t talk about mistrusting him. That will only further ignite his already burning fire.

Stock

Imagine her going out with the same friend on a Friday night again who let her cheat on her husband. BAD IDEA. I should fire her friend.

words

What she says should show that she understands how hurt he must be and even try to give examples of what she thinks he is feeling. Offer him a way out if things don’t work out after giving him time to think it over. Reiterate that quick decisions are what started this fiasco to begin with.

DO NOT ADVANCE THE FIRE, it could get out of control.

body language

You communicate your feelings and what you think more through your body language than anything else. I ALWAYS watch my wife’s body language when she talks about difficult issues related to our relationship. who does not?

Wayward Spouse Return Offer

I should suggest that they take some time and do nothing for a while. See how they feel later. Now is not the time to talk. Rethink things before speaking. If after a while you don’t want to stay, you can file for divorce.

You made a rash choice to cheat. There will be no quick fix, sorry. If you want to leave after taking the time to reconsider, here are the consequences.