Relight the spark to regain the passion in your relationship

Sometimes a lack of intimacy or sexual affection is mainly due to a lack of passion in the relationship. Once you get it back, you’ll likely find that your sex life steadily (or even quickly) returns to normal.

It is not uncommon for couples who have been together for many years to feel that they have “fallen out of love.” One or both of you may feel that the attraction has also died. If you’ve refused to take care of yourself physically, it can be a serious turnoff for your partner (and vice versa). While you can defensively say that your partner is shallow to care about superficial things, you need to accept the fact that physical attractiveness does matter to some degree.

If you are a woman who has gained 50 to 100 pounds since you started dating your partner, do you really expect your body to turn you on? Would he turn you on if he was twice the size he was when you first got married? Probably not, in any case. However, many people take offense when it is suggested that getting carried away may be a major part of the problem.

Also, if you have neglected your physical appearance, it is likely that your self-esteem, as well as your energy level, have plummeted as a result. You may be less enthusiastic and self-assured in bed, two traits that are often very attractive to both men and women. So if those traits are missing, it can be a turn off for your partner.

If you really want to recapture the flame of passion that was so wonderful and exciting when you first got together, you need to consider what you can do to make yourself more attractive to your partner again. This doesn’t mean you have to get cosmetic surgery or starve yourself until you look like a Victoria’s Secret supermodel. But getting back to a healthy weight, firming up your muscles, and dressing in flattering clothes instead of spending all your time wearing baggy clothes or sweatshirts can go a long way in getting your partner’s attention back.

In addition to physical appearance, finding something you’re passionate about and excited about, exercising more for more energy, and being a happier person (as opposed to an angry, unhappy partner) will also make you much more attractive.

There are also many other things you can do to reignite the passion in your relationship:

• Start flirting again. Let your partner know that you think they are hot. Leave funny notes in his briefcase or via text to let him know you’re thinking of him and how you’d like to “please” him when he gets home. Anticipation is an important part of the emotion. Do you remember how excited you were when you were first together and couldn’t wait to be intimate?

• Arrange a date night as often as possible. Couples often forget how to date after being together for a long time. This is especially a problem for couples who have children and never take time to be alone as a couple, away from the children.

If you think this is selfish, negligent, or self-indulgent, you couldn’t be more wrong! One of the best gifts you can give your children is a healthy and happy relationship with your partner! This not only makes the home environment a happier place for them, but also sets a healthy example of a loving relationship. When your children grow up, they will tend to emulate your relationship on their own. Don’t you want them to have happy and healthy relationships when they grow up?

• Take your partner to an adult store and have fun picking out some toys. While it may seem silly at first, don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone a bit to spice up your sex life. Maybe buying some exotic massage oil or sexy lingerie will suffice. It doesn’t have to be anything weird or perverted. Have fun with it. Along the same lines, don’t be afraid to try a new sexual position or a sensual massage. Trying something new creates a sense of adventure that may have been missing from your relationship for a long time.

• Another way to reignite the passion is to bring the romance back into your relationship. When was the last time you did something truly romantic for your partner? Unfortunately, you may be taking your partner for granted. You may also believe the myth that romance is not important. Well it is. It’s not just fun, it’s a way to show your partner that you love and appreciate them.

While traditional romantic gestures like gifts and candlelit dinners still have their place, you might be surprised at what your partner would consider “romantic.” Some women feel that one of the most romantic things her husband could do is take the kids out for pizza or a movie for a couple of hours so she can take a bubble bath and just relax in peace and quiet. Romance can really involve anything that shows your partner how special they are to you. Make those romantic gestures often!

• Don’t forget to show affection outside the bedroom. When you and your partner were first together, you probably held hands whenever you could, kissed frequently, and hugged. How often do you do any of that now?

Touch is a powerful form of nonverbal communication. Do not neglect it with your partner. Hug more often. Hold hands. Kiss often. Once again, these displays of affection not only bring you closer, but reassure your children, if they are still at home, that your relationship is happy and secure. Children pick up negative vibes and often blame themselves when their parents break up. Don’t be afraid to show genuine affection in front of them. You, your partner and your children will benefit as a result!

• One last thing: If you or your partner have a medical or physical problem that is interfering with your love life, don’t hesitate to talk to your doctor. Health problems can wreak havoc on a person’s libido, energy level, and ability to perform sexually. Women who are going through or have gone through menopause can experience hormonal problems that can significantly affect their self-esteem, body image, and sexual enjoyment. Men can also develop impotence and other physical problems that affect them sexually as they age.

Don’t accept that this is “just part of getting older” and let your love life suffer as a result. You owe it to yourself, your partner, and your relationship to seek remedies or other options that will allow you to continue to have an active and rewarding sex life.