The fear of divorce: how a collaborative divorce saves much more than money

Divorce . . . Ranked second (only to the death of a spouse or child) as one of the most stressful life events according to a well-established research study*, it often turns rational, respectful and caring partners into angry adversaries and resentful during the legal process of divorce. The result can have far-reaching damaging emotional effects on husband and wife, as well as their children, for many years.

Unfortunately, these negative effects are widespread in American society, as current statistics indicate that 50% of first marriages end in divorce and 60% of remarried couples become victims of divorce. Traditional legal divorce proceedings, which typically pit husband against wife in a “win at all costs” fashion, no doubt play a role in the stress levels couples experience.

A new trend in the dissolution of marriage

There is a relatively new alternative to traditional divorce called collaborative divorce that minimizes the psychological trauma and financial costs of divorce. Both parties and their respective Collaborating Family Lawyers sign a participation agreement in which they agree to work together to reach a satisfactory settlement in a cooperative manner. Participants agree not to go to court and to voluntarily disclose relevant information. Settlement is achieved through four-way conferences, informal discussions, and other alternatives without litigation.

Both attorneys spend their time and effort solving the case rather than preparing for and conducting a trial. Collaborative divorce requires that all parties cooperate and act in good faith with integrity and honesty. This means the process moves much faster, requiring less time from each attorney, resulting in lower legal fees. There are no traditional and adversarial divorce tactics that couples engage in, such as exaggerated accusations, delays, “wearing out the other side,” etc.

Comparison of Contested Divorce and Collaborative Divorce Litigation

Common questions:

I am so upset and angry right now, how can I talk to my spouse about collaborative divorce?

The Collaborative Law process uses attorney roles and structured schedules to make talking with your spouse easier. Couples who see the benefits of collaborative divorce, both emotional and financial, put their emotions aside during highly structured meetings. Couples who behave irrationally or who are unable to overcome extreme anger may not be candidates for a collaborative divorce.

In the event of a collaborative divorce, will I still have an attorney to vigorously represent my interests?

Yes. Lawyers are trained to defend the interests of their clients regardless of the circumstances. If you are not satisfied, you may hire another attorney.

What if we sign an agreement and then my husband doesn’t keep it?

The final agreements reached through Collaborative Law are embodied in a court order that, when signed by the judge, becomes an executory decree. How do I know if the Collaborative Divorce or the Traditional Divorce is the best for me?

Consult a family law attorney who practices collaborative law and offers traditional divorce services.

Collaborative divorce can be an option for many of the millions of couples who get divorced each year and want to avoid court, save money, and meet the needs of both parties. It usually results in a divorce that is less emotionally destructive and more dignified for everyone involved. In fact, the most important difference between a court-resolved divorce and a collaborative law divorce is not the outcome, but what happens along the way. And we all know from experience in other aspects of our lives that we have to live the journey to reach our destination.