Dealing with a responder / polarity mismatch

Mike is the new leader of an international virtual team and in his first meeting with the team members, he discovered that he had a team member who seemed to resist all the suggestions made by other team members: this person either flatly rejected the ideas; noted potential problems as unsolvable; He presented a list of reasons why they wouldn’t work, and overall he showed how smart he was (in his opinion). Mike hoped this was not an ongoing situation. However, in a video conference a month later, Mike discovered that the team member was still behaving in the same way. Afterward, Mike spoke with some of the other team members and with the team member’s ex-boss and discovered that this was “normal” behavior for this person. Mike decided that things had to change, so he started looking for ways to deal with this situation. Here’s what he discovered: he had a polarity responder on his kit!

What is a “Polarity Responder” (PR) or “Mismatch”?

1. A PR is someone who tends to disagree with everything you or other people say.

2. They often do the exact opposite of what you want or ask them to do.

3. In meetings they always present reasons NOT to do something instead of looking for reasons to do it!

4. Often your first response will be to raise an exception to the rule.

5. They often see their response as an opportunity to show how smart they are.

6. They are usually analytical and very intelligent.

7. They can destroy a great idea with a single syllable.

In order for them to be “successful” in their opposition, they need to break the relationship with the other person / persons and the easiest way to do this is by using “BUT”:

EG: “I totally agree with you. OBJECTIVE… (followed by arguments against) “

“I love your product, OBJECTIVE… (followed by arguments against buying it) “

As I am sure you all know, subconsciously, the word “OBJECTIVE“invalidates everything that has been said before. It should only be used when CONSCIOUSLY decide that you want to use this form to achieve a specific communication objective.

For example: “I love the idea, OBJECTIVE There are some problems … ” (In other words, I don’t love the idea! “)

As an alternative to using “OBJECTIVE“In general, I would like to suggest that you use alternatives such as the ones below:

“I love the idea and there seem to be some problems … “(Both items are valid)

“I love the idea. Nevertheless there seem to be some problems … “(Both items are valid)

“I love the idea. Nevertheless there are some problems … “(Both items are valid)

“I love the idea. On the other hand there are some problems … “(Both items are valid)

Specific techniques for treating polarity responders gracefully:

1. Use the “Polarity Change”: put everything that says negative (+ BUT).

E.G,

“I think you probably won’t agree with me, but …”

“You’re probably not going to like this, but …”

“This may not be the best idea I’ve had, but …”

“I don’t know if this is something you would like to be involved in, but”

“I have an idea that probably won’t work, but I wanted to see what you think.”

When using sentences similar to those listed above, A common response to the “polarity shift” is a positive reaction to the negative: psychologically you are asking them to respond to your negative which, in their opinion, requires an opposite response. The opposite answer to a negative is obviously a positive!

Example: “Well … no. In fact, I agree with you.

An example close to home is putting young children to bed. Many resist when older siblings are allowed to go to bed later. A direct order often results in an argument. Use the polarity twist and avoid trouble!

Tell young children, “You can’t go to bed and you have to stay up all night!”

Common response: “But mom, I’m tired. I want to go to bed.”

The reason this technique works is that it is based on how the human brain processes negative commands. When our brain hears something negative, to understand it, it first has to process the positive.

DON’T think of a pink elephant!

What are you thinking?

Probably a pink elephant!

I told you NO think of a pink elephant, why did you disobey my instructions? You couldn’t help yourself, could you?

2. Acknowledgment and limitation.

In a meeting where an NR is present, openly acknowledge their special abilities and then limit their contributions to specific topics and times. Frame your answers into special tasks or jobs that best suit your skills and abilities:

“John, you have a knack for identifying the little things that could prevent the project from being completed successfully. I’d like you to tell us, in the last five minutes of the meeting, what they could be. Until then, I’d like you to listen carefully. and write everyone down for their part of the meeting. “

3. Identify the negatives before them.

“I think we could do this, and I can see that he has certain problems like …”

– The fact that you have identified the negative points will often lead the NR to consider positive ways to solve these problems.

4. Exaggeration of negative effects.

– Take the bad or negative points they make and exaggerate to an extreme level.

“Okay, if the problems have no solution, we will fire everyone, sell all the shares, close the building, go home, explain to our family that we cannot pay the mortgage and that soon we will be living under a bridge.” … etc “

5. A desperate situation:

– Tell the PR that the situation is desperate and that even they would not be able to find effective solutions to solve the problem. Then step back and watch how they tell you how it can be done!

While Polarity responders may seem like a nuisance in meetings, presentations, team activities, etc., they are typically highly intelligent and, when properly redirected, their skills and abilities can greatly improve the results achieved. When you apply the techniques listed above, you are clearly demonstrating your communication and leadership skills to your peers, which can positively influence your future career prospects.