I cheated on my husband, but now I want him back: tips and advice that can help

I recently received a somewhat heartbreaking email from a wife who told me that her marriage was over and that it was all her fault. She had cheated on her husband, very briefly, with her boss. He said that he really didn’t know what he was thinking at the time. She had always been relatively happy in her marriage, but she never thought her actions would come back to haunt her. She honestly believed that she would not change things in her marriage, as she was sure that her husband would not find out.

However, the wife of their bosses had found out about the matter and had immediately called this woman’s husband, who, of course, was beyond devastated and furious. Although the wife tried to explain that she still loved the husband and wanted to save the marriage, the husband was not receptive. This was a deal breaker for him and he left the house a few days later. At this point, she did not know when or if she was going to file for divorce. But, she knew for sure that she wanted to get her husband and her marriage back, but she didn’t know how to do it. Every time she tried to initiate contact with her husband, he only got angrier at her. She asked me what was the best course of action she could take. I will share what I told you in the next article.

Understand why you cheated and what this meant for the marriage: Before the wife took any action, he wanted her to deeply and thoroughly examine what led her to cheat. I know she insisted (and still felt) that there was really nothing wrong with her marriage and she was “caught up” in the excitement of a business trip. But honestly, happily married women don’t usually cheat out of nowhere. He was very sure that there were some problems that she did not want or could not see.

When I asked him to describe what he saw in his boss, he reluctantly told me that he was “strong, exciting, powerful, and in control.” I asked her if these were qualities she perceived to be lacking in her husband, and after a while she had to admit that maybe I was right. After many back and forth conversations, the wife finally revealed that she could do a lot of “exciting” and “important” things at work and that the quiet life at home sometimes seemed predictable and boring in comparison.

This was a breakthrough and it was important because she needed to look at this honestly to determine if she was going to be able to add some excitement to her married life in order to receive this kind of satisfaction at home. I felt this was vital. It wasn’t fair to ask her husband to try harder if she was just going to cheat on him again or feel dissatisfied in the future. She needed to be clear about how, and if she could, fix this before bringing the husband back to this, since none of this was his fault.

The wife was very sincere and convincing that she was willing to do “whatever it takes” to make their marriage strong again. And she assured me that, with a little work, she didn’t see any reason why she couldn’t see her husband as strong, decisive, and exciting. She was also willing to get another job, which I felt was vital. It was not fair to ask the husband to tolerate the wife seeing the man she was cheating with every day.

Make a husband believe that you are truly sorry for the cheat and that you would not do it again: At this point, the husband would only get angry and distant whenever the wife tried to get close to him or to get close to him. I told him that it was vital that he be patient. It was important that she be able to see this from her husband’s perspective. I asked him to imagine if he was the one cheating. Could you forgive and move on a few weeks later? Of course I would not do it. However, this was the same request he was making.

I told her that the next time she spoke to her husband, she should tell him that she understood and deserved his reluctance and that she was not going to impose on him right now because she understood that he needed time and space. However, there was nothing wrong with making it clear what was in her heart: that she was willing to do whatever it took to fix this and that marriage, and him, were the most important things to her and that she was going to do it. change. Work tirelessly to restore trust.

It was unrealistic to think that he was going to accept this right away. It was only going to take some time. Her true goal should have been simply to hang on and show him that she was sincere with her patience and her presence. Because in time, hopefully he would eventually come to see that she was sincere because she was still there and still wanted a chance to fix things. The idea was that eventually the husband would have to admit that if she did not love him and was not putting marriage first, she still would not be there: sincere and ready, willing and able to do the work necessary to save this. marriage when he was willing to.

The idea is to show her that she sincerely wanted and did exactly what she said she would do. Over time, this would begin to show the husband that he could believe and trust what she was saying and the claims she was making.